Ten More Rejected Topics For Piano Teacher Conferences

To see the first Ten Rejected Topics For Piano Teacher Conferences, click here.

Music and the Brain: The Undeniable Connection

This session will present the findings of several new radical studies in neuroscience, making a strong case for the idea that one cannot perform music when there is an absence of brain activity. The studies looked at a cumulative 1,350 comatose hospital patients who failed to make music after being told to play something. 

Studio Retention: The Stockholm Syndrome

Have you ever wondered why there is such a huge gap in studio retention rates from one teacher to another? We all know love is a key ingredient in all great teaching, but few teachers have explored just how deep love can go. Discover the psychology (and recommended hardware) behind some of the most effective strategies for keeping your students from ever leaving your basement studio.

Advanced Ear Training: Hearing the Cosmos

While identifying minor intervals and augmented chords is vital, few understand the pressing musical importance of being able to identify quasars and pulsars by sound without the use of radio astronomy equipment. We will learn to do this, and we will also meditate for half of the session with the goal of trying to hear the cosmic B-flat of the Perseus Cluster, which is measured to be 52 octaves below middle C.

When Skype Fails: Alternative Methods for Make-Up Lessons

Many teachers today offer Skype lessons on snow days, but what happens when Skype and Facetime are unavailable? Come and learn how a music business expert gives make-up lessons via fax machine, telegraph, carrier pigeon, and time capsule.

Beng-a-la-Dash!

The universe of neglected composers and neglected music seems to expand every day, and this lecture-recital will certainly prove it! Do not miss a world-renowned Aboriginal pianist who will be performing an all-Benghali program of left-hand-only French-style etudes inspired by the hyphen.

The Suzuki Chiliagon: It Isn’t the Just Parents, Teachers and Students Anymore

Learn about the latest update to the Suzuki teaching philosophy, which accounts for the many influences and distractions in the lives of the modern, over-scheduled student by extending the three-sided Suzuki Triangle to the 1,000-sided chiliagon.

Piano Wellness: The Colon

Lectures and workshops that focus on the relaxation and movement of the upper body are a dime a dozen these days, focusing on external movements at the total exclusion of inner (and innard) movements. Come discover the new dimension of music making that results from greater colorectal awareness.

Gong Chopin

We all know of Chopin’s love of Poland, Italian opera and George Sand, but did you know that his greatest and most secret love was the Chinese suspended gong? Don’t miss the world premiere performance of Chopin’s newly discovered unpublished works for solo suspended gong, featuring ten of Chopin’s own adaptations of his Op. 10 and Op. 24 etudes.

Teaching Piano to our Special, Special Needs Students

A great pedagogue once said, “Anyone can teach the pick of the litter, but what can you do with the placenta?” In this teaching demonstration, you will see how to effectively teach our most challenging students to play the most demanding music of Rachmaninov, Liszt, Stravinsky, and other great composers. The session will feature students with no arms, students with no torsos, and students who have undergone cremation.

Former KGB and Mafia Members Townhall Committee

How many times have you failed to extract the truth from your students after they told you they practiced all week? How many more competitions would your students win if they wore visible firearms to their performances? How timely would all of your tuition payments be if you hired a juice man to collect your debts? This discussion will reveal just how disturbingly soft we are all being with parents, students and colleagues.

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